The fitfalls of exercising the analytic mind

One night recently I was coming home rather late, and I entered my street and was immediately met by a large crowd of 20-something caucasian men and women. Many were talking to each other, a couple were smoking cigarettes.

I found myself inclined to make sense of this. Could they be a group of friends out for a stroll? Unlikely, since there were probably 15 of them. Could they have all left a party on my street and be on their way to the subway to go home. Probably a more likely scenario.

And I detected in myself the impulse to take a rather harsh view of this group of people. I though something like, "hmmm, young poseurs all impressed with themselves, thinking they're cool because they're going out to swank parties on a Saturday night and living in New York City and such."

But I caught myself making that assessment, and I countered it by thinking, "you know I really don't know anything about any of these people. They have just as much right to live in New York City and enjoy everything the City has to offer as I do!"

It's typical of us intellectual sorts to make snap judgments, often very judgmental and cynical, like I did just then. We are encouraged to do that when we are in college. He who cannot come up with a pithy snide remark about something they've just observed and enunciate their observation in a few seconds is likely to not get ahead in school, and later on to be considered boring and possibly even stupid.

But as I have grown older and learned to appreciate things in a different way than when I was a 20-something, I have grown suspicious of that impulse to put things in boxes.

I remember, for example, being a music student in college, and sometimes going to concerts with our professors, and feeling annoyed to have to be on my toes and give short but well-though out reactions to the music we had just heard. Being able to make comments like that meant that I had to listen in a different way, searching for features that I could describe later on. For me, it pretty much ruined my experience of the music. I wanted to let the music wash over me, get into my bones, stimulate my emotions, to become personal for me. Analyzing it so I could impress the professor afterward kept the music at a distance, reduced it to parts and features rather than a whole experience full of touching moments.

And I guess therein lies my objection to the analytical way of approaching getting to know things and people. It keeps those people and things at a distance, and how can you really speak about something intelligently from a distance? How can I have anything meaningful to say about a person, unless I have surrendered myself to getting to know them, listened carefully to what they have had to say, unless I have grown to care for them?

We all of us don't really get to know that many people in a deep meaningful way in our lifetimes. And yet we feel entitled to assess many people who we really truly know very little about. I think that's unfortunate. I think there is very little that is as satisfying as getting to know a person. Treating them as if they are the most interesting person in the world, asking probing questions and really listening to their answers with interest and curiousity, not snapping to judgments but withholding judgment, taking the time to give them the respect and consideration they deserve. We usually do this only with our romantic partners, and a few friends, and maybe a close family member. But most often, we convince ourselves that we know somebody before we have really done the work (and play) necessary to really get to know them.

I'm sure I will never stop using this brain of mine, trying to make quick assessments of what I see around me. But I will also be increasingly skeptical of the results of my assessment. There are few people who are not deserving of the time and effort it takes to really get to know them. The only sad thing is that our time on earth is so short that, even if we work very hard doing that, we will only get to know a handful of people in that deep, satisfying, loving way.